A Child Lost

Parker, Jay Mitchell, age 20, passed away unexpectedly on April 11, 2013. He was survived by his grandparents, parents, sisters, brother, nieces, nephew and son. He was an incredibly bright and talented young man who had yet to find his direction and leave his mark on this world.

Okay, so Jay didn't pass away. He actually walked – or rather he ran as fast as he could. I remember the grief all the same. There were many days it felt as if he had died. In fact, he told us that he was dead to us. "You no longer have a son." “I am dead to you.” The emptiness deep in my heart and the ball in the pit of my stomach ache as if that were true.

Everyone has words of wisdom for parents who have lost a child to injury or illness. No one seems to have any answers for parents who have lost a child to the world. "Your job is done." I disagree. Once you’re a mother, you’re always a mother. Is that not right? My role in his life may have changed, but I am still his mother all the same. "Let go and let God." That is so much easier said than done. "You've done all you can." Have I? Have I really? There must have been something I missed. There has to be something more I can do. There has to be a better answer. That one just simply will not do. How, then, does one deal with such a great sense of loss?